I've been asked often why? Why do you run? Why do you sign up for "torture". True, there are times it does feel like torture.
My most common answer to the "why" question is, Because I can.
I don't mean "I'm awesome, I can run a race", because truth is I've watched many races and if you just scan the participants you will see a wide variety of ages and body types. I'm convinced most anybody can run any race if they put their mind to it.
So what I mean when I say I can is:
I have a healthy body.
I have legs that work.
I may not be fast, but I can keep going.
I'm not going to win a race, but I will win simply by being a finisher.
I can challenge myself beyond what I believe I may be capable of, both physically and mentally.
I can spend time and energy working towards a goal.
Most of all, I am so grateful to have a body that has the ability to do amazing things.
I am all too familiar with the immense sadness and struggle when your body becomes something other than what you've always known it to be.
I run for Scott.
He cannot. I can.
In every race I run I take a moment to clear my thoughts and think of him. Sometimes it's when things are really difficult and I just want to quit. I think of him crawling to the closet each morning to hoist himself up and pick out a shirt. I think of him maneuvering constant obstacles that most of us never deal with and wouldn't give a second thought. It gives me courage to go on.
Sometimes I think of him when I feel like I'm flying and I could run a million miles. I think of how he pushes himself and has a usually happy demeanor despite his physical limitations. I think of the body he was blessed with that performed any athletic feat as if he'd been doing it all his life. He was a natural born athlete, I....was not. He has been pushed so far from his comfort zone physically and mentally. Most of the time this was not by choice. Many of us will not be tested in this way, but I think we can benefit in ways we don't even fully understand from being pushed. Even if we are the one doing the pushing. I have done well in some races (by timing standards) and poorly in some races, but it always reinforces the thought that I can do hard things.
While running through Soda Springs, Idaho in the middle of the night last weekend my thoughts turned to Scott. I felt like my chest would burst with emotion. I felt proud of what he has accomplished and I felt an immense gratitude for what my body can do. I took a quiet moment in the dark to thank God.
In what ways do you push yourself? What inspires/motivates you?
4 comments:
So many good thoughts--and, yes, you are awesome. :) Scott is one lucky guy!
thanks for the cry. What a lovely wife you are. I like that Scotty a whole lot too. I love to run because it's when I do alot of real self talk and thinking . I think about Scotty when I run too - so I guess I run for him too. You are amazing Aim!
I feel like I push myself almost every day just to survive in this house. I feel I have extremely challenging children especially at this time and yet I choose to do hard things for myself. I think I'm motivated by my desire to please others and myself. Tristan motivates me. Rise to the occasion I guess. The occasion is raising my kids. Great post Amy.
My youth started my push. My lack of confidence held me back in many things and for the most part, high school was uneventful. The gym has built me up in more ways than I have room to type here. My drive in the weight room is unique, a little at least. When I lift big, my max, I need the right song and then I picture my family, watching, yelling, cheering. It's powerful the drive that that emotion can put you. My drive came from my lack of excellence, now it comes from my family. I want to be the best I can be for them in whatever I'm doing. I want to be capable. Thanks for your post Amy. I was moved.
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