Whenever we talk about Scott's surgery we refer to it as the "accident".
Why do we do this?
I'm really not sure.
He wasn't in an accident.
It was no accident that this happened to him and our family when it did. I see blessings in the timing of it all actually.
I've been reading some inspiring blogs of people who have gone through some very difficult things. They all have a timeline that seems to run off of "before the trauma" and "after the trauma". It is as if your life resets to this new timeline. I wonder if that will fade for us.
I actually had this big white erase board that served as my calendar in the office "before the accident". I had February and March of 2005 written on it. It had church appointments, Primary information, Kindergarten information for Chloe, OB Dr.'s appointments for me, Scott's 28th birthday, and Aidan's 2nd birthday on there. I left that dry erase board hanging in the basement untouched. More than one person asked if they could erase it and use it for something else, or if I wanted them to erase it. I could not let it be erased. I eventually took it off the wall and put it behind the desk. I would get it out and look at it on occasion and remember our lives before "the accident". Everything seemed so easy back then.
I was finally ready to erase that calendar last year. It was still hard to do.
8 comments:
Just the other day my mom was up here and she was looking through my pictures from Utah and she said "oh is that your roommate who's husband was in the accident?" And I said "he wasn't in an ACCIDENT!!" Funny, I didn't know you guys refered to it that way.
I think you're keeping and then erasing the calendar is inspiring. That sounds cheesy but it's very symbolic of your "journey" thus far. Love you!! Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for this post Aim! Just for the record I've never called it the "Accident" I just called it the "TUMOR" with my best governator accent. I think you still make it look easy even though I know it's not. You just roll with the punches and keep smiling! You guys are inspirational! Love you
Amy this is one of my favorite most poignant posts. It says so much about mourning the loss of the past. Finding purpose and beauy in the present and the lesson I really need to learn from you is about being a biddable child of God. You look at your future without pretense you have given your will to he who knows better. I love this very much about you. You and yours are a gift in my life.
here i sit burning my brain with anatomy class and after reading my chapter for the second time i decided to take a break from my "burden". and i read your blog...
dear sister i don't feel sorry for you. i have watched you grow into a new person adapting to a new life.
scott has done the same his burden no less than yours, ....
this is how i found out about this focal point in all our lives....
isaac scotty's friend caled me on the phone one day and asked me to "please come to their job site as soon as i could" i was met by a frantic young man trying to tell me ten things at once and discribing behavours and problems of the last few weeks, i walked into the room where he had been standing in the corner resting his head in the corner and he had a terrible headache he said to me "oh you finally came!! thanks for coming...."
i was frightened by what i saw the color of his face and how thin he seemed as i prayed to know what to do i recieved no answer but felt strongly big trouble was coming but was also sure that; God was with him and his wife and family
"and would cause him to stand"
we talked for a while he didn't want to go home he was trying to get this job done. i promised him that if he went home that i would stay and help isaac and his crew, he lingered around for a long while and i think isaac may ahve taken him home at some point.
i have always beleived he would stand and walk again. i beleive you have run faster than you had strength to run,...and you will yet run faster with less effort than ever before....
geez i talk to much....
Some miracles are "fast" - some are slow, and are perhaps the more important ones - whatever the purposes of the Lord might be, He has certainly chosen two valiant disciples to bring them to pass - we are all better for having been a small part of your journey - we love who you are and what you stand for - and I am thankful that the Lord is consecrating your challenges for your good.
I've told you before how much I have learned and grown just being lucky enough to be near you and Scotty as you have gone through what we call trials and you call life. I consider myself quite lucky knowing both of you, thank you for this great post. I didn't know you called it the accident, that's funny.
There are people in my life who are aware of other people in my life but don't know each other. When I am talking about someone I know, to someone who has probably heard of them from me before I have to come up with a one or two word way of refreshing their memory of who I am speaking about. Examples are: "Our old Spanish Fork Neighbors", "My co-coach", "My old boss (not referring to Scotty), "kristen's old friend" etc etc. I always feel a little guilty boiling Scotty and who he is into a two word definition.
So, I'm going to need Scotty to get a big tattoo, or start wearing a wig so I can say "You know, the guy with the ugly tattoo who insists on wearing that weird wig." Because "My buddy who had a brain tumor" just doesn't cut it.
I tried to respond to this blog when I read it on Friday at work, but the boss has a "no crying at work" policy, and he's pretty strict on it. So I quit trying to and have held off until today. Not to say I've come up with anything better, but I feel like I have to say something. It says so much about who you are to be able to share your pain with us. I guess all I can say is I love you both and am deeply grateful to be a part of your lives during the initial recovery and to feel the force of it all so intimately. I share your feelings very closely Amy. I too have stared at the calendar on that markerboard and marveled at the weight a mundane object can carry. I'm happy you're ready to erase it. I always want to hold the dearest things in my heart and not in my pocket.
I love the picture this paints for my minds eye. It is a deep insight into such a personal event. You have borne the changes, challenges and triumphs with grace and beauty. (Both of you, ... all of you!) It seems that sometimes all we can do is suspect the tender feelings you hold. I love that you hid that calendar away and then when you were completely ready you erased it. If we could all view change and embrace it so well....
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