My Toofs

You read that right. Toofs.
Once upon a time we had Asher convinced that if you had a fake tooth or teeth they were referred to as toofs.  See, Scott had his tooth knocked out as an unruly kid flying down a hill on a bike. Trying to beat his Dad home because Scott shouldn't have been out of the house. He wrecked into a car and his face met curbing. (Funny, a similar thing happened to him as an adult. Except he was flying in a jazzy. Word.)
So anyhow,
we had our innocent kid convinced and he continually referred to fake teeth as toofs and we loved it and laughed.
After all isn't that what children are great for.

So Chloe has braces. I'm a bit jealous.
But there are only so many student loans a man can get. Actually there are quite a few a man can get if he goes to school for, oh say, 7 years.

Anyway. I'm not on the list.

I'm a bit bitter.

I wasn't on the list as a kid either.
My teeth weren't "bad enough".  With several siblings I rated middle of the pack- not perfect straight like Ginger's, not corn on the cob through a chain link fence like.... Molly's.  Sorry  Mol.  There's proof, but I won't post it if your comments are nice :)
I whined to Dad about the gap in between my front teeth, and he claimed it gave me character. The gap fixed itself in my early twenties.
I have crooked bottom teeth and an overbite. My smile covers those things.
But I dream of a perfect pearly white smile like Molly now has, Ginger was born with, and Terri paid through the nose for.

So I made a free consultation appointment at Chloe's orthodontist.
I just wanted to know...how bad are they?
They took lots of strange pictures of every angle. Then they blow those pictures up in front of your face with the orthodontist goes over things with you.

I have to say. Nice guy. Real nice guy. Some of these quotes, taken out of the context of the whole conversation sound, well, mean.  But he is a nice guy.
I know I've got an overbite and crooked bottom teeth, but imagine my surprise when he turns and asks me, "Were you hit in the face or did you have an accident and hit your face as a kid?"

Huh?
Really?
ouch.
I wanted to say yes so I had an excuse for the next thing he was about to say.
But it's a no, so...my jaw bone is longer on one side than the other.
Yep.
Left jaw bone longer than right. Significantly.  So my bite sits funny, my mouth opens crooked (I've noticed this on tape when I talk), my chin is too far back, and not in alignment with the midline of my face AND I"m buck-toothed.
Wondering if I can blame my rough delivery with forceps for this?  Anyone have Dr. Henry's address and I'll send him a bill?
To soften the blow the orthodontist did mention that my two baby teeth have the longest roots he's ever seen on baby teeth!! Go baby teeth.
He also mentioned "Hollywood polishing" to even out the bottom of my front teeth. I remember sitting on the bathroom counter with a metal nail file and going to town on the bottom of those front teeth.
That would be "Burley polishing" I presume.
Wondering if it would be better at this point to have them all pulled and get some toofs.
Tempting.